Holiday stress and anxiety coupled with a lack of routine can really affect families with kiddos who have ADHD, Anxiety, or other neurodivergence. 

We hear about this so often - holidays and birthdays are ripe with the stressful dynamic of having family members who don’t understand ADHD, yet feel like they can offer parenting tips. Not only is this advice unwelcome and often uneducated, it can lead to misunderstandings, short tempers, and overall unease during what should be a delightful celebration. Coupled with the fact that these situations unearth our fears of being judged and inadequacy, which further heightens our sensitivities in these situations.

Here are a few ways to manage this challenging dynamic: 

1. Educate.Educate.Educate: This is the best preemptive strategy. Forwarding informative articles about ADHD and sending social media posts can help your relatives understand more about ADHD and its impacts on functioning. Educating those around you can help create an environment that is comfortable, safe, and respectful for everyone involved.  

2. Let family and friends know in advance what to expect from the visit ahead of time, such as specific behavioral expectations or cues that your child may need. Providing this information helps ensure everyone is on the same page when it comes to interacting with your child, which may help avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary stress. 

3. Prepare and practice scripts/responses in advance of the event:

   • Comments in front of your child: “Can we chat about something? I know it is coming from a good place,  but in those moments when you say ___ in front of (kiddo), it’s not helpful to us. I’d like to hear your ideas, but I would prefer it if you brought them to me privately.”

   • When you are asked to ‘chill’ or ‘go with the flow’: In advance of the situation, tell your family that you might be leaving early or taking breaks from the activities. “We know this might be disappointing for you, but it is important to use and from experience we know our family functions best this way.”

   • When you witness frustration or a disapproving stare: “I know it can be frustrating that…” 

   • Diffusing a situation when emotions get high: Calmly name, “This is Sally’s holiday celebration. Can we all take a deep breath and reset?”

4. Ask for Help: If you feel overwhelmed or uncertain how to manage expectations with family and friends during the holidays, reach out to a trusted source such as a friend, family member or counselor. They can provide support and guidance to help you navigate through the holiday season. 

With these tips in mind, the Holidays can be a joyous time for everyone! With patience and understanding, you can ensure that your child’s visit with family and friends is comfortable and enjoyable. By providing support and structure, you can help create an environment that is welcoming and supportive for everyone. Happy Holidays!